


For a God

by shadowspice



Category: Death Note
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Honest Talk, L/Light - Freeform, Light Angst, Light-Hearted, LxLight - Freeform, M/M, Sad, Short Story, lawlight, smart talk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-25
Updated: 2016-04-25
Packaged: 2018-06-04 13:11:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,819
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6659416
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shadowspice/pseuds/shadowspice
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kira and the world's greatest detective have a talk on what they think about one another. L and Light - enemies of the opposite sides - might be but the same after all. Perhaps if they had met another way, then..... </p>
<p>|| Lawlight, L/Light, Light/L, LxLight ||</p>
            </blockquote>





	For a God

**Author's Note:**

> First fanfiction to be posted here :) This story is based on my own perspective on both characters and what they must really feel about one another....filled with smart talk and all that but not dragging enough to be misunderstood. Hope you enjoy :)

"Light-kun." L nibbled on his thumb, wide eyes still glued on the blazing computer screen. I sighed, dropping the newspaper containing updates about recent murders of Kira.

"I've been wondering for a while about rather trivial things." His voice was toneless as usual, and he hasn't spared a single glance.

I tugged on the chain, "Like what, L?"

He pursed his pale lips, seemingly squeezing his thoughts into one reasonable statement. He opened his mouth then hesitated; and finally he spoke. "What is Kira's perspective towards me?"

I arched my brow, "How can I know? I am not Kira." I don't know how many times I've told him that. Ten, twenty, a hundred - it was way too many. Yet, each time I do say those three words, it appears that it only increases his suspicions about me. _This is one of his mind tests again, trying to interpret everything I say into that of a killer._

"Defensive. But, truly, I'm asking you as someone who has been close to me and comprehends my actions and line of logic. If you were Kira, Light-Kun, what would you think of me?"

"Do you plan to twist my words to suit your inclination that I am Kira?"

"No. This is rather a personal judgement, and this has no connection to the investigation of whatsoever." _Sure. Of course, L._ Everything will always be related to the investigation regardless of what he says. His mind works in thousands of tiny gears all day long, deducing and anticipating Kira's movements and thoughts as if it is part of his own. It's a bad habit, one that is as addictive as the glucose he consumes.

Will I tell him what Kira must think, or what if this reflects my psychology towards the matter? If I lie, or say random statements, will he use it against me nevertheless? "If I were Kira, then you are definitely a hindrance ." I started, my voice even, L looking up.

"If Kira thinks that he is justice , and he thinks of him as God, then anything that is against that must be punished through his own means." I rather stated the obvious. As far as the perception of this serial killer's thoughts, that is a universal fact he won't keep to himself.

"I figured as much, Light-kun." His eyes watched me - as if he was the predator and I'm the prey - observing my reactions and my minimal gestures. His thumb brushed across his bottom lip back and forth, his next inquiry almost completely written all over his cold features. "Does Kira thinks of himself as good?"

I stopped, unsure of the answer - the right answer that is. "...I don't think so." If I were in his shoes and fully, painfully conscious of the things I have done, then there is no way I would think of myself as anything good. My intentions are, but the mass would not understand that. L would not understand it either.

"Kira, though he thinks of his actions as necessary and for the good of the majority, I don't think he thinks of himself as anything good." I wondered, am I playing this game correctly? L studied closely, his face inches from mine. I cringed, rotating the chair away from me.

"Too close."

The metal chain connecting us jingled, pulling him back, "Yes. Please proceed with your thoughts."

I coughed, thinking matter-of-factly, "Sacrifices and power is essential. To have power, one must not be too good, for not all right things are substantially good." I said, thinking that if I _were_ to have such unknown capabilities; if I _were_ to be as self-centered and unreasonable, then I would think such nonsense.

"But don't we call those who have fought in wars and murdered thousands heroes? How can they be any different from Kira?" This time, I flipped the tables to him. I challenged his beliefs and foothold on what is significantly just and right, my mind speaking of things that existed in my subconscious state yet never acknowledged.

"It is different. Kira sees himself as God, not human. That the curse of his abilities are divine. He only sees the number of people who support him, but blind to the rest of the world who is against it. He is a self-righteous murderer." L rebutted, his pitch quiet as the night.

"Then how about you, L? Aren't you using your own capabilities to force your own sense of justice, despite ignoring the desperate calls of help from others, just because it is not of your interest and does not satisfy your giant ego?" I bit my lip. That wasn't too necessary, wasn't it?

"I am not forcing anything, Light-kun. I am doing what is right, and that is to save the world from fear and bloodshed."

"Then Kira is also right." I spoke, his eyes widening and trailing my back as if I grew some kind of invisible wings.

Rather than paying mind to the technicalities of the game and saying only what I must, my irritated status conquered my following words, "He is saving humanity from fear and people from getting hurt in their daily lives. They don't know when someone is going to stab them in the back and kill their families. You see, Kira is simply not afraid to be seen as the villain to gain peace. He has no plans to play good, or imply justice. He is using what he is capable of to do good for the world." I explained. No, then, something inside me pulled, as if those were the right things to say. That part of me thinks that Kira is absolutely right.

L's eyes hadn't reduced a bit, his toes curling. "Do you think he is lonely, Light?"

"Lonely?" Why would he say such a vague, irrelevant question? Why would it matter? What is he thinking?

"If Kira does think that way, then may be he is still trapped in a shell of his childhood fears. He is lost and doesn't know what to do with the power he is given, and the guilt is slowly devouring him alive. The weight of human life one by one weighing him down and he's lost his way to get out from what he's started. He is now stuck with the choice to keep fighting; to kill me, when at the end, he is only heading to eternal damnation."

I thought for a moment, not expecting he would maneuver to this path. Is Kira childish? Perhaps, it is not wrong. He is lost, at the same time broken, to choose a road of sins."What do you...expect him to do now, If he hears those words?" As of the moment, it was out of curiousness. What would this sociopath - great detective, say to a murderer who has killed more than a lifetime, who refuses to listen and is obscured by the blackness of reality, to make him change?

Is it possible?

"Perhaps I am neither justice or good as well so my words equate to nothing, Light-kun." My jaw dropped, gaping at the surrender in his line. L, has nothing to say -

"However, one thing is still for sure. Like Kira, those criminals also had their reasons. It may be because of their own beliefs, and if they did out of their own thought that it is not wrong, then something worse must've happened in their lives to think is such way." That's worse.

That was way too human for him. How would he understand? He hasn't walked the city himself, he hasn't talked to people himself, he hasn't watched behind the screen helpless, with nothing he can possibly do to prevent crimes from happening, - someone who did not have all the fortune behind his back? How can he make heartless criminals as weak and humane?

"No one is born good or bad, because humans, no matter what, are bred to be both natures. Sometimes - no, most of the time, we begin to do right things for all the wrong reasons. Then, we begin to destroy each other for all the right reasons." I was frozen, physically speechless yet my mind was screaming.

"It is human nature to be evil. Kira is the strongest, living evidence of it himself. It is inevitable for the world is made out of it itself." L stared into my eyes, as if he knew exactly what I was thinking; as if he could hear the debate occurring within me.

"The world is filthy and since Kira is not old enough to live through it, he is using childish means to get through it the easiest way. To eliminate all that is 'bad' and in his way without further understanding. If he cannot withstand such evil and agony, then he himself should perhaps end his life instead." I furrowed my brows, the annoyance turning to that of animosity. From such sad thoughts to a cold, insensitive mention of suicide.

"Well, that's all I can say. You have valid and good arguments, Light. As if you were truly on the side of Kira - no, it is as if it was Kira I was talking to." His back faced me, his pointy fingers typing extraordinarily on the keyboard. He dropped the conversation too quickly while my mind was still racing with things to say. Yes, Kira is someone to be stopped. Then again, the society has been molded into his hands, a better, more serene world as he wished it to be, and without him, the fear will be unveiled and they will begin to unleash the evil that's been planted ever since birth.

"Just for what it's worth..." My eyes were lowered, an unexplainable feeling numbing my senses. I became too engrossed with the thoughts of Kira that I found myself feeling rage towards the unusual male.

"What do you think of Kira?" L's face remained hidden, his arms folded to his knees.

L was like snow - an obsidian, ashen snow that fell from the heavens. No one can possibly predict what he is truly thinking, for at the end, most of his words were weaved by what he thought you'd expect him to say; to satisfy your prying."Putting all I've stood for aside, truthfully, in my opinion, Kira has an extremely soft heart. Too soft that it is dangerous." He glanced at me, eyes almost narrowed with heaviness.

"...and now, to fight for those it once loved, it burnt itself to ashes until gone." Just then, it clicked.

_L and Kira are all the same after all._

"Yeah."

Both have chosen the world over themselves - over finding their missing pieces; over thinking of what they could be if they were to meet another way.

But as fate chooses to have it, they couldn't possibly meet any other way.

_If I had the chance, I would tell Kira myself that nothing is too late..._


End file.
